


Big Girls Don't Cry

by czar_feline



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Seo Changbin Being an Asshole, Trans Hwang Hyunjin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-22
Updated: 2020-12-22
Packaged: 2021-03-11 04:47:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,643
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28239468
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/czar_feline/pseuds/czar_feline
Summary: To be honest, though, if the kid had only politely asked him for money, he would have given him a few wons, but the kid opted to be an asshole instead so damn to his kindness. Pushing his jet black fringes off of his forehead, he abruptly stopped midway, when a tall woman who was waiting for the train caught his attention.She has long blonde silky hair that would probably feel smooth and soft against Changbin’s hands. She was wearing a red dress designed with black roses on the edge which ended only above her knees. The woman perhaps felt that someone was staring at her so she turned around and saw an open-mouthed-awed-to-death Changbin who was still in fact looking at her.When their eyes meet, the woman looked equally surprised as Changbin, her cute plump lips parting slightly. Now, Changbin, being the smooth dude he is, (contrary to what Chan always tells him) walked towards the girl and smiled.“Have I seen you somewhere before?” the woman, who is now only a foot away from him, only bit her lower lip in response to Changbin.
Relationships: Hwang Hyunjin/Seo Changbin
Kudos: 36





	Big Girls Don't Cry

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer:
> 
> Please don't ready any further if uncomfortable with how the characters are portrayed. This is a work of fiction and does not intend to offend anyone.

“Damn, I’m getting old.” Changbin says to himself as he runs after the kid who stole his wallet. Just one of the few reasons why he never liked going into crowded places such as malls, markets, and train stations where he currently is. After finally getting a hold of the kid who was moving a lot, a couple of people who were attracted by the commotion came to him. With the help of the police officer assigned to the station, Changbin was finally able to get his wallet back.

To be honest, though, if the kid had only politely asked him for money, he would have given him a few wons, but the kid opted to be an asshole instead so damn to his kindness. Pushing his jet black fringes off of his forehead, he abruptly stopped midway, when a tall woman who was waiting for the train caught his attention.

She has long blonde silky hair that would probably feel smooth and soft against Changbin’s hands. She was wearing a red dress designed with black roses on the edge which ended only above her knees. The woman perhaps felt that someone was staring at her so she turned around and saw an open-mouthed-awed-to-death Changbin who was still in fact looking at her.

When their eyes meet, the woman looked equally surprised as Changbin, her cute plump lips parting slightly. Now, Changbin, being the smooth dude he is, (contrary to what Chan always tells him) walked towards the girl and smiled.

“Have I seen you somewhere before?” the woman, who is now only a foot away from him, only bit her lower lip in response to Changbin.

“I’m sorry, it’s just that, it feels like I have seen you somewhere before...” he squinted his eyes and continued, “Probably in my dreams?” Changbin tried really hard to be smooth on this one and he was glad the woman laughed at his poor move. Her eyes turning into cute moon-like crescents, Changbin is certain, he knows someone who had the same smile, he just couldn’t remember who.

“You are very pretty, Miss, but you look prettier when you smile. By the way, I’m Seo Changbin. What’s the name of this beautiful woman I’m trying to talk to right now?”Changbin said as he offers his hand.

“Nice to meet you, Changbin-sshi, I’m Hwang Hyunjin.” The woman, whose name is Hyunjin, finally spoke and there’s only one word that came into Changbin’s mind, ineffable. Her voice was crisp and edgy, nevertheless, it was beyond beautiful, but he’s got to point out, even her voice and her name were familiar too.

But her hands, god! Her hands are soft and warm and it looked extremely nice enveloped in Changbin’s.

“Wow. I was not ready to hear the most exquisite voice to ever grace upon my ear.” Changbin considered this day as a blessing in disguise, earlier when he went out of his office to take a break he immediately sweated to death, and then a kid, who was only perhaps around his mid-teens dared to steal his wallet.

He was certain, this day’s a blessing in disguise because that’s when their relationship started.

Changbin sometimes thinks all his menace when he was younger paid off now that he’s older. Being a successful twenty-seven-year-old man who already owns a huge house and has an established career, he must be really lucky. Not to forget he has a woman whom he had been dating for two years now, who is staring back at him right now, on his bed, naked, glowing from their post making love.

Changbin leaned in and kissed her fully on the lips; he gently pushed her on her back and settled above her. His hands never leaving her hips, gripping it not so tightly while her hands were caressing Changbin’s shoulders and back.

“Really, though, have I seen you somewhere before?” Changbin says as he expertly changed their position, now Hyunjin’s sitting on his stomach, her hair tousled and perfectly pulling off the after-sex hair, her breast open for Changbin to fondle, but Changbin knows better, he’s got one hand on her hips and the other on her breast. Taking the best of both worlds.

Hyunjin was feeling what Changbin was trying to do, she was biting her lips while moving her hips slightly to and fro. She’s beautiful, she’s intelligent, she’s talented, she’s hot, what more can Changbin ask for apart from, ‘have I seen you seen you somewhere before?’

“Don’t you think that pick up is already too old?” she finally replied after mewling and restraining herself from moaning loudly.

Changbin knows that what he’s gonna ask is stupid and he might probably miss the incoming mind-blowing round two he was about to have with Hyunjin, but he’s gotta know, they have been together for two years after all.

“When can I meet your parents?” there, he dropped the bomb which made, of course, Hyunjin storm away from him closing in herself in their bathroom. Changbin’s left on their bed with a raging hard-on and confused as fuck.

Whenever he brings this issue up, Hyunjin always finds a way out of it, sometimes figuratively but most of the time, like today, literally. He’d be lying if he were to say that he doesn’t want to marry Hyunjin because he does! He wants to marry her so bad!

Changbin dressed up and went to the bathroom door, knocking thrice, and when Hyunjin didn’t give him an answer he did it three more times before receiving an angry ‘go away!’ from his girlfriend.

It was around noon when she went out of the bathroom, dressed only in Changbin’s shirt, which he wore yesterday. He tried to coax her to go out by lunch but she was having none of it, they have been in this situation a lot of times. Changbin already knows what to do, that is to leave her for a while and she will go out of where she was hiding and fall into Changbin’s arms.

“I’m sorry, love.” he said, cradling her on the couch in their living room. Her eyes were swollen and red from crying a lot.

“I just. I just thought that maybe it’s already time to meet your parents.” he whispered to her whilst wiping her tear because she wouldn’t stop crying.

“Why do you want to meet my parents so much?” she asked, finding a more comfortable position in Changbin’s arms.

“Don’t you think it’s time already?”

“Time for what?”

“Time for us to move on to the next level because I really want to marry you.” Changbin says completely catching Hyunjin off-guard.

Hyunjin stopped crying all of a sudden. A minute passed and she’s still not talking. It did not take long when she started crying again, but this time instead of running away from Changbin, she snaked her arms around him and hugged him like she’ll lose him.

Still, Changbin didn’t get the answer he wanted, or even just an answer. He thought that maybe, Hyunjin was still not ready for it and because he loves her so much, he would be willing to wait for her, even if it takes an eternity. That’s how much he loves her, that’s how much Changbin loves Hyunjin.

“Hyunjin hyung!” She turned around to see Jeongin, her beloved younger brother, expectantly waiting for her to hug him.

“Jeonginie!” Hyunjin said, running towards the young boy, engulfing him with her warmth, “I said not to call me hyung, when we’re in public.” She whispered in his ear, she wasn’t mad, she was just being… careful?

“I’m sorry, hyu– I mean, noona.” The kid teased her and even though the cheeky little shit did that, she still couldn’t help but beam at him. Despite being so much younger than her, Jeongin has been understanding and accepting towards Hyunjin’s decisions in life. Jeongin’s only nineteen years old, they have a seven-year gap, but sometimes Hyunjin feels like Jeongin is more of an oppa than a dongsaeng to her.

“Umma told me to ask you when are you planning to visit them again; you know she misses you a lot.” The little boy said, automatically placing his hand on Hyunjin’s waist as the older drapes an arm over his shoulder.

“I’m still trying to find the right time; Changbin has been asking me to introduce him to Umma and Appa. I just, I just don’t know what would happen, I’m scared.” It’s clear on her face that she’s not comfortable talking about these things, but she’s with Jeongin, her brother, and he knows every single thing about her.

“You haven’t told him yet?” Jeongin has always been supportive of her; he’s this positive ball of energy that can make her believe that everything will turn out well or even better than what she was expecting.

“Jeongin! How am I supposed to tell him that I used to be a boy?”

“Really? Is that why you don’t want me to meet your parents?” Out of nowhere, Changbin suddenly appeared behind them. No, not really, he has been following her when she said that she’d go out to buy groceries, he would have believed her, but they just did it three days ago. He had done a pretty good job hiding himself from Hyunjin, but he wasn’t expecting any of what he heard from her, or rather from him.

“Changbin! What are you doing here?” Hyunjin said, reaching out to Changbin, only to be pushed away.

“Tell me, were you even planning to tell me this? To tell me that,” Hyunjin doesn’t want to hear it, especially not from Changbin, not from him, “that you’re a fucking boy and you had fooled me that you are a... girl?” he said it in a hushed voice, just loud enough for Hyunjin to hear, but with the way he said it, gritting his teeth, his brows knotted together, and tear threatening to find their way on his cheeks. They didn’t make it, though; Changbin was fast enough to wipe it off his face, his disgusted face.

“Changbin, I love you. Please listen to me.” Hyunjin took a step closer to him, but he moved back, not really interested in Hyunjin’s unusual skinship initiation. Unlike Changbin, she let her tears fall freely on her cheeks, not bothering to do what Changbin did.

“I loved you too; I loved you, why did you do this to me, Hyunjin? Wait; is Hyunjin even your real name? Or it’s just part of your scam?” Hyunjin clasped her hands together under her chin, she’s beyond mess right now; on other days, Changbin would be wooing her, wiping and kissing her tears away, but not today, not today.

“You know what; don’t even bother going home tonight. I don’t think I can ever trust you again.” With that said, Changbin walked away and left Hyunjin who almost fell onto the floor, luckily Jeongin was there to catch him.

The first thing Changbin did when he got home was to take all of Hyunjin’s stuff away, her clothes, her shoes, her pieces of jewelry, and her drawings. This time, he didn’t bother wiping his tears; he just let them fall and kiss his cheeks.

As he was pulling her art materials off from her cabinet, he fell onto the floor and broke down. He just couldn’t grasp the idea of Hyunjin fooling him, after all those years, he felt like he didn't really know her at all. Why does he deserve this? Because for him he doesn’t, not when he had loved her more than anything and anyone else in the world.

He was mad, he was mad at her for fooling him, but he was even more mad for allowing that to happen. He doesn't want to admit it, but his ego just couldn't accept it. Changbin is a simple man, as he prides himself to be, but he's also a man who was raised by a traditional Korean father. "Man up. Men don't cry. You don't have to study hard, you can fool around but make sure you'll find a nice girl to settle with when you get older." His father would always tell him when he was much younger. It was basically all he knows.

Hence, finding out Hyunjin wasn't his typical idea of a girl caught him off-guard. In his simple mind, that only meant Hyunjin was once a boy. He knows he loves Hyunjin more than he ever did with anyone else. However, these things were just too complicated for his simple mindedness.

Changbin punched the cabinet’s door until it was not a door anymore, it fell off from and he threw it on Hyunjin’s easel, knocking off his girlfriend’s painting of him and her, or him and him. He wants to laugh but his tears weren't allowing him to.

Seeing all Hyunjin’s artworks neatly arranged in the cabinet, he thrashed all of them and managed to tear some. There was another artwork she never let Changbin see, it was just above where the other artworks were. He pulled it and was about to tear it apart when the tie holding the paper circled together broke and he saw what was drawn on the huge white cartolina paper.

Just like how fast the train left when he first met Hyunjin, his memories flashed back on him faster than a bullet train’s speed. Now he remembers why.

He now realized why she had looked so familiar on the first day he saw her. He finally realized why her name had sounded so familiar, and her voice, god her voice! How could he forget all those things? All those things about Hwang fucking Hyunjin; the boy who gave him a sketch of him on their school’s rooftop. The boy who stole his first kiss. How could he forget that?

He wanted to tear the paper into pieces, but he couldn’t bring himself to do so. So he threw it away and went to his bed to lie down and cry. He also laughed, laughed at how Hyunjin fucked him up big time.

To say that Changbin’s apartment is a mess was the understatement of the century. Hyunjin kept Changbin’s words of not coming back home. It had been a week since then, but he hadn’t bothered to clean up the mess. And when he received a comment from Chan saying that he looks like he’s dead, he did not bother to throw any snark remarks, because Chan is right. He’s dead. He’s dead because Hyunjin killed him to the point that he’d no longer get resurrected.

Another week passed when he saw a familiar boy standing in front of his apartment on his way home. It was the boy who was with Hyunjin the last time he saw her. Changbin doesn’t have any plans talking to that boy, actually not only to that boy; he doesn’t have any plans to talk to anyone, really.

“Changbin hyung” the boy said when Changbin was only two feet away from him. He had not failed to notice that they almost sound the same; they both have the crisp and edginess in their voices, but he pushed the thought away.

“Changbin hyung,” the boy said again when the older did not reply, Changbin was about to go inside his apartment when he felt a strong grip on his arm, “this will not take long, just hear me out, please.”

Still, Changbin made no response, at least verbally because he stayed where he is and that was enough for the young boy to think that Changbin will hear him out.

“Hyunjin noona, she has been doing not really well you know? she doesn’t eat and she was just crying non–“ Changbin snickered at what the young boy said, so the boy stopped and Ching heard the change from his tone.

“Look, I know you are not doing well too. It’s just that, she still loves you, she has always loved you, and it hurts to see her like that. And also, it just feels so pathetic that you have been through everything, you guys were great, but in the end, it all goes to waste.” The young boy bitterly said, taking out a small piece of paper in his pocket, but he did not give it Changbin, he just held on it.

“Sure, you have a different view in life and whatsoever, but you had loved her as a girl, I don’t see a reason for you to stop loving her just because she wasn't born that way. I don’t get it, seriously, did you love her by your dick and not by your heart? ‘Cause if that’s your reason then I have to break it to you, you didn’t love her, you’re just some fucking pervert just found her pretty. It’s stupid, so fucking stupid, I must say.” The younger stopped before finally handing the piece of paper to Changbin.

“Here’s our address, if you happen to finally realize that you can stop yourself from going full-blown asshole, you can take her back. But to be honest, if it’s just me, I don’t want her to come back to you because to me you’re already an asshole, but she loves you so fucking much. You just... don't deserve my sister, especially after hurting her like that. But you know she would always come back to you, that is… only if you want her to.” He did not wait for Changbin to reply, he left the older man who had several things to digest and ponder.

When Changbin was in high school, he was pretty popular; he had a lot of friends. It was because of his character, he was friendly and he was good at making people wanted and appreciated. Like his sudden urges to make the saddest kids in the class feel that they weren’t alone, he was so good at it. Not because he wanted to show off that kind of image, he was just naturally like that. That's what made him so admirable.

So when a transferee came into their class, not talking to anyone, he befriended him. He initiated conversations with the quiet boy from time to time, but the boy would always look down and give him short answers. But the kid was nice, he was more than nice, he remembered getting free lunches from that kid. They did not eat together, the boy would just hand him a bento box saying he was thankful for everything Changbin was doing for him then leave the next moment.

They never made it as close friends, though; the boy was pretty aloof from everyone not to forget also a bit pokerfaced. So one day, when the boy asked him to go to the rooftop, he didn’t expect to see the boy smiling brightly at him. And it was, it was a really shocker for a heterosexual Changbin.

“Changbin, thank you for always talking to me, I appreciate it a lot.” The boy said as he gives Changbin a huge roll of paper, “I made that for you.” The boy said again and urged the older boy to take the elastic band keeping the paper off.

It was a drawing of him, or a sketch, rather. It may sound narcissistic, but the way he looks in the sketch was so good, he looked handsome there. He smiled towards the boy who was biting his lower lip, looking down on his feet.

He pulled the boy close and hugged him, but the boy had to ruin the brotherly moment and decided to kiss him on the lips. He was surprised; no, that’s not strong enough, he was bedazzled or stupefied with what the kid did and Changbin didn't really know what came to him, bu he punched him in the face and ran off.

He heard the boy wince in pain as he ran as fast as he could. He doesn’t really know why he punched the kid though, it was just, a spur of the moment? He also left the sketch to the kid; he probably lost his hold on it when the kid kissed him. Changbin kept justifying his reasons to himself, but he couldn't stop feeling bad. It was his first kiss too.

He doesn’t know whether the universe was taking his side or not, but when he went home that night; his mother told him that they will move to Seoul the next day.

As soon as his heart calmed down, Changbin knew he had to apologize the next day, but he never gets to do so.

That boy, that boy’s name is Hwang Hyunjin and he never saw him again.

Great.

It had been agonizing three months since Changbin broke it off with Hyunjin so he doesn’t understand why he’s in front of the house where the address the kid gave him. He had been standing there, in front of the door, but he had no courage to knock until the same kid who gave him the address opened the door.

“What are you doing here?” The kid said, compared to the last time he talked to him, he sounded disgusted now.

“I… I want to talk to Hyunjin. Is she here?” after a ten-second long awkward eye contact, Changbin finally spoke.

“Why would you want to talk to her? Really, now?” he asked, more like interrogated, still not letting Changbin into the house until an old, not really old, woman opened the door fully.

“Oh,” She said, recognizing who the man his son, Jeongin, was talking to.

“Come in” though it doesn’t really sound like she wanted him inside his house. He went inside but stayed standing up, Jeongin and the woman did not ask him to sit down so he didn’t.

“I’d be honest with you; I don’t want to keep you here long. My sister is not here.”

Changbin kept opening and closing his mouth like a fish on a fish vendor’s table, ready to get slaughtered, then he heard a familiar voice. The voice he had been longing to hear. 

“Jeonginie! What are you-“ The voice he never once heard in the past three months. His pent up emotions and new bubbling ones were mixing together.

He turned around and saw an almost completely different person.

It is still Hyunjin, his Hyunjin only that her hair was so much shorter, no, cut that crap, her hair was almost as short as Changbin’s. She was also wearing a baggy t-shirt and basketball shorts that he could tell was Jeongin's.

“Changbin?”

The wind was blowing Hyunjin’s short black hair and Changbin couldn't help but imagine how she’d look beautiful with her long hair dancing with the wind. When Hyunjin came to their house earlier and saw Changbin, she excused themselves from her mother and Jeongin to bring him here. They are sitting on a bench facing the port.

“Hi.” Hyunjin said, smiling sadly at the setting sun in front of them.

“Hi, how have you been?” Changbin asks, glancing at the sun but looking back immediately to Hyunjin.

“Honestly, I don’t know.” She replies.

“Why… Why did you cut your hair?” to this Hyunjin looked at Changbin’s eyes and gave him one of the saddest smiles he’d ever seen. Hyunjin touched her hair and turned to look back at the sunset.

“No reason just wanted to see if I look better with this hair. Why? Do you hate it?” Hyunjin asks, her tears threatening to fall from her beautiful eyes and Changbin wanted to reach her face and wipe the tears away. “Do you hate me that much?” Changbin wasn’t sure which one he heard louder, the sound of Hyunjin’s voice cracking or the sound of his heartstrings breaking.

Changbin couldn’t bring himself to answer. He had been a fool. His damn ego should just go to hell. How could he hurt Hyunjin? How could he break her like this. Jeongin was right, Changbin didn't deserve Hyunjin. She's far too precious for a trash like him.

The sound of waves and wind were making up from the emptiness between the two.

“It’s beautiful, isn’t it? The sunset, I mean.” Hyunjin said not breaking her stare from the sunset; it’s her not so futile effort to break the ice between them.

“Hyunjin, do you still love me?” Hyunjin turned to look back at Changbin who was just watching her with an expression he missed so much. She loved it when Changbin looks like he’s tranced with her beauty, he always thought it shifts the attention from the truth that he doesn’t really see her as what she is.

Without missing a beat, Hyunjin nods. "I never stopped, Changbin. I never did." as gentle as the wind blowing against Hyunjin's hair, her tears fell too. Changbin reach his trembling hands, cupping Hyunjin's face.

“Why, Hyunjin?" Changbin asks as he too starts feeling his tears flowing against his cheeks. "Why do you love such a terrible man? Hyunjin, can't you see? You've always been the brightest star and I'm just a dirt circling around earth. I didn't deserve you, you were too good for me, but I've been too selfish for wanting you all for myself.” Changbin says, his voice cracking. "But the moment I found out you weren't my idea of what you are, I threw you away like you were some dirt I couldn't bear to touch. I was such a fucking terrible person towards you. And yet, you still love me?"

Hyunjin nods as she leans his head against Chanbin's hands, she missed him so much.

“Hyunjin, if I say I love you, I still do, would you still believe me?” The waves crashed loudly and madly against the shore, like how Hyunjin’s emotion poured out all of sudden. She carefully placed her hand above Changbin’s. “I’m so sorry for hurting you like that, I am so sorry for being so stupid, so careless, so selfish. I'm so sorry for my stupid ego, you didn’t deserve any of that. Not when you’ve only loved me from the beginning. I’m so sorry for making you feel so terrible, so worthless, you are not worthless, Hyunjin. You're priceless, Hyunjin, and I could only wish to be even half of how worthy you are."

Hyunjin’s now a crying mess, holding Changbin’s hands tightly on her face. “I should have told you, that I was-“ She starts.

“It was my mistake, Hyunjin. You are allowed to tell me that whenever you wanted to or if you even wanted to do so. You are what you are and I was foolish for making you that you were not. You were just being yourself and I was just being an asshole. I am so sorry, Hyunjin. I am sorry. I've loved you for who you are, I finally finally realized that I don't have a reason not to continue doing so and I have all the reason to love you even more.”

Hyunjin could only nod.

They’re on their way back to Hyunjin’s house. Changbin is beside him again, holding his hand as he used to. Hyunjin's hand is tightly clasped by his and is resting on top of his heart. Changbin always like doing that because apart from Hyunjin being taller than him, it was easier this way to kiss the back of her hand.

“You still have the key to our house, right?” Changbin asks, Hyunjin not missing it when the former said "our". It is still theirs.

Hyunjin nods as warm pink tinting her cheeks. “You can always come back, Hyunjin, when you’re finally ready to come back, I’ll be there waiting for you.” Changbin says, kissing the back of her hand. “I’m gonna wait, even if it takes forever, I will wait for you to come back.”

**Author's Note:**

> haiiiii pls leave me some comments hahah


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